What happened?

They are the same old faces.
The same old friends.
The same wonderful people.
The same fun and bright individuals.

It is so strange though,
because, you know, something has changed.
I cannot bring myself to believe that these same
wonderful people--
my friends--
are smoking pot--
and drinking to get drunk--
and hooking up.
Something has changed.
Something is not the same.
The weirdest part is...

I let the judgement seep out of my body and into the ground.
I let the judgement fly from my soul like a butterfly being released in a garden.
I let the judgement drain into the sewers like rain on an April morning.
I let the judgement fall away like the boosters of a rocket during ascent.
I let the judgement run away like a dog held up in a cage for weeks.
I let the judgement rise up, out of me, like smoke out of a chimney stack.
If the finger is to be pointed, it is only to be pointed at myself.

And you know what?
I still love these people I've come to call and keep as friends.
I still cherish our conversations.
I still can relate, somehow.
I am so very different, but so very much the same.

That's all for now,
Girl Beyond The Rise

There Was Once

Think.
There was once a time--
not too long ago
that there existed a constant threat
that trailed behind
like a shadow in the heat of the afternoon.

Leaving a feeling of emptiness--
Alone among
a group of insiders.
Afraid to look up
and meet the cold stare of the
surroundings.

Unstable. Shaken.
Stressed. Afraid.
Alone. Cold. Oppressed.
Pressured. Unloved. Unappreciated.
Forgotten.

And what fortune!
What a blessing
to have made it out alive.
If only just barely.

How dark were those days
wandering the halls of
the shadowy corners that have since
been lit.
I have hemmed up my own skirt.
Sown up my own lip.

In fact,
there is HEALING.
In fact,
there is REDEMPTION.
Healed not by one, human self.
But healed by the one and only
Mercy

A stark illumination of a chance.
An opportunity.
A shot at maybe,
just maybe,
being happy.

Truly
and Really
Happy.
Happy being the way I am now.
Happy being the way I can be.
Happy being the most I can be.

-Girl who couldn't be more honest if she tried. Welcome to the 100%.

And Here's to 2012!
The year of getting comfortable with the 100% that I have been dealt.
Unbelievable. Incredible.
But possible and
present.

The Story

Between the lines
you can read the story of a girl.
A girl whose hurt and desire
fills the white blank pages of
the internet.
Where she poured her heart into
and was truly yearning for more.

All this time
you were just looking for Him.
Looking for the one that would
Listen,
and
Respond,
and
Care.

Undercurrents that point Him out
prove that all along she was looking for Him.
And He, undeniably, was pursuing Her.

She now feels confused, questioning, and a little bit afraid.
She wants the King to rule her life
She wants to be the best Princess the King has.
But she's still got these wounds.
And these awful desires and
worldly trappings.

She's come back from the slice of paradise
only to realize that she might just be a little
more immature. A little less adult.

She's come back from the slice of paradise
only to realize that she is happy-- and relaxed.
But a little less mature perhaps.

If it is truly a beautiful thing to see the world
through the eyes of a little girl,
she must be the most beautiful thing
on two feet.

But if it is necessary to grow up and not
continue to be a child,
she may have taken a step back.

Keep searching... for those who seek find, and to those who knock the door will be opened to them...

-Girl not even competing for some kind of Rise